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im hoping as im looking,

for you.

hoping that i'll see,

A better side of you and me.

I need to open my eyes.

Because we're over and dead.

I lost some where in side my head.

just� like alice in wonderland.

now as im looking threw that history book,

of our memories.

i am lost,

like a kid in a movie scene.

so find me,

and kiss me good night.

because right now,

i am lost from sight.

Do you believe in elves? Faeries? What about pixies?

I have been searching for an answer to my own personal question. Do they REALLY exist? There are some folk tales that say that they only appear to certain people. I guess I was one of the selected few when I entered my bedroom and standing right infront of me was an elf! It appeared to be male, about my height, but slightly shorter. He had sunkissed skin with freckles on his cheeks and nose, semi thin eyebrows that sat over large, twinkling, child-like, emerald eyes. His short hair was the color of autumn red leaves that seemed to have been bundled into smooth, thick, wavy locks that covered his forehead. And around his neck, he wore a grassy necklace that ended with a blue feather. He wore a green tunic of some kind of material, and loose-legged pants that ended at his knees. When I saw him in my room, I jumped back startled because I saw his pointed ears, and he smiled at me. It was a very sweet smile that seemed to laugh with joy, and it made me smile too. Then, he reached over and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead, and disappeared.

I still remember it like it was this morning. I told my friend about it because she knows more about elves than I do, and she told her mother who told me that if I saw an elf, I was considered lucky. And she also told me that probably, that elf was following me around for a long time.

I hope I get to see him again. He seemed really nice. ~_~

At night she cries away her pride,

Patiently waiting for the pain to subside...

No longer abel to bare the pain,

She cant help but scream in vain...

He disapeard in a blink of in eye,

Without so much as a goodbye...

He said I�love you,

Then walked away and said were through....

-Sportygirl15

I just got a major newsflash today while talking to my mom. we were talking about the fight that happened with my father like forever ago, and then the subject changed to falling in love and then it changed to david... and as soon as his name slipped out of my mouth i knew i was screwed. i guess i've kind of avoided talking about him in such a romantic way, in such detail and emotion as i did today. we got into the whole thing, my mother told me how hurt she was the night that i came into her room crying, telling her that he told me that he doesn't love me anymore. she told me that what she thought, was that he did it so that he could prove to me that we really needed to be done, and when he told me to stop txting him, that he needed to just try to get over me, and that we both needed to get over each other until we were both ready for more. maybe i'm looking too much into it, maybe i'm just hoping, but today was one of those days that i haven't had in a really long time. so, after my mother said that, my lip started quivering, and i knew that i couldnt resist these tears anymore. so i let them flow. my face was completely drenched in tears, and my lip was quivering while i was talking. my mother felt bad so she wanted to change the subject, but i definitely did not. i wanted to face these emotions that i haven't really thought of in a long time. bottled up inside that i hadn't realized made me want to explode. there was a silence for awhile while my tears were falling, then i turned my head, looked my mother in the eye, and said "i loved him". so innocently that it made ME cry. because it's true. and i still care about him, even though i thought i was completely over him, and i guess my heart really hasn't let go of how much pain i went through, but also how much happiness i went through. my world looked completely different back then. it's just really hard to explain, but i have one memory of when i was walking down the foreman, over by my house, and i was listening to a song by Daughtry, i can't remember the name off the top of my head. the weather was warm enough so that i could wear a tee-shirt and pants and i was fine. the sun was shining and i felt beautiful. i was txting david, waiting for a reply when i looked around and realized that for the first time in two years, i was actually happy, which was amazing for me. the realization changed my whole world. I didn't want the lenten season to ever be over because i was so happy seeing him 3-4 times a week, whereas i would be lucky to see him twice afterwards. but then� he let me know that he loved me too, and that just rocked my world, my heart was beating like crazy and i was so happy. i'm sorry, it's just that that's how i felt today during this fight. it got me really emotional. and i really just needed to let it out.

i was feeling really sick today and it made me sad :(. but my exam for economics: easy. test for cold war in economics: extremely difficult. i definitely got at most an F. i seriously had absolutely not clue what i was answering. i was so pissed off that i had no clue that i just would up doing guesses at the end. not even educated guesses, just guesses, luckily in the end we got to cross off 10 questions, so i crossed off almost all of the ones that i had absolutely NO clue. but luckily on my health exam we graded almost all of the exam and i only got 4 wrong! i got an 84/88. so yeah. i am really tired. stupid exams tomorrow. i'm hoping that i do really well on my science exam. i'm so extremely ready for this. my english exam we get to use notes! aha. i'm really excited for that. i think i'll do decently well on that exam. just need to study a tad*. ladies ensemble exam wont be difficult at all. just listening to notes on the piano, it should be simple. well, i'm so ready for tryouts to get here.

tryouts are on monday and it's only 5 days away but 5 days feels like an eternity to me right now. i just really want to know if i'm on freshman, JV or Varsity, i dont know why i feel like i'm going to be on JV, but i just do. which i am really excited about. but for all i know they wont move me up. apparently rhode really likes my hitting, and i think that that's such a great thing, i'm really freakin excited about that that you have no idea. maybe that gives me a higher chance of making Varsity, or maybe he's just glad that there's an upcoming player that can hit? maybe he'll see how i do at JV and possibly pull me up. or maybe they'll keep me at freshman because i'm a catcher. but i'm hoping that they move me up and keep Kaylyn down. i know that's selfish... but that's what i REALLY want...

well, i'm going to go now before i get into a ton of trouble. love you all :))))

-Jenna Elizabeth Smith-

well i dont fully understand the quote but from what i can comprehend, i think its wrong.some people dont find their geniusness in "love". but then again maybe its their love of intelegence that makes them a genius? but like i said i dont really understand what its saying anyway.

Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts.� It's what you do with what you have left.� ~Hubert Humphrey

I chose this quotation because people can be so ignorant on what they don't have, and not what they have.

People get so consumed in the up and coming new technology and think, "I need this, I need that!" I'm sick of it.

People don't seem to realize what they have right at home. Most have good parents who provide a warm home, food, the necessities and extras that teenagers seem to think we need to have.

People think that they need the newest gizmo, gadget, and toy. No, that's what they want.

But what is that we absolutely NEED? We need food, water, and shelter.

This does not mean gourmet meals, the finest water imported from Fuigi, or the most expensive houses in LA.

People get by on sandwiches, water from the tap, and houses with four walls and a roof.

These so called gadgets that we need, I believe that this day in age most do need a cell phone, for emergencies, and also as a form of communication between friends, family. However, most DO NOT need an iphone with all those applications, sure they are fun to play with, and it is a way of stating who you are, and where you stand in the societal money standings.

BUT, it's not a NECESSITY. There is no where in the moral human code that states: one needs an Iphone to survive in life.

I just don't fathom how people can complain about what they don't have...We all need to think about what we do have...It's a slap in the face to someone who gives you a heartwarming, FROM the heart card that took time and effort, and you say, "Oh...just a card?" that is ignorant beyong belief, we all need to take the time to think about what we all have, we have our lives, isn't that enough to be thankful for?

Remember, it's not what you don't have, it's what you do have that's more important than anything in the world.

I'm pretty happy today. Had a good weekend with the hubs. He was off Friday so three days was good. Got to take a couple walks, and on Sunday we got to sleep in cause of the rain.

On our walk we talked about Radar, he told me that he regrets not staying with him in his last moments. We both have regrets, we did what we thought was best at the time. That's the thing about regret, it's almost impossible to avoid it.

My heart still aches when I think about him, it's still amazingly wierd when I come home and he's not there but�I'm not looking for him everytime now, I'm not crying as easily as I was. I do still feel strangely angry when I see other people with their dogs. I think about how fast our time with Radar went by, I regret not treasuring it more. I can't imagine another dog - ever. It's just too sad to loose them.